Looking back...

Tomorrow, I will have been a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints exactly for 10 years. I was baptized in Korea on January 16th, 1999, just before I turned 18. Unfortunately I don't remember what exactly happened minute by minute but I do still remember the way I felt that day.

I always believed in God, even when I didn't have any religion. I went to a Catholic school for three years where I learned about Jesus Christ and his crucifixion. I loved the Catholic religion. I prayed before I ate even though I didn't really understand how to pray. But it broke my heart every time I watched the same video about Jesus' crucifixion every month. It was uneasy for me to watch the pain and suffering that Christ went through. I used to go to the chapel at school to meditate and pray.

I remember praying every night before bed. My prayers back then were very simple but sincere. I didn't exactly follow the prayer patterns that our church teaches. I just let it all out, whatever was on my mind. I loved to pray. I used to pray for a happy family. When that didn't work out, I stopped praying. I spent years crying over my parents unhappy marriage, all the abuse, and alcohol, pitying myself. I was not a happy person at all.

That's when I met the missionaries. Two of the greatest missionaries helped me understand the true meaning of happiness and how I could change myself, my attitude towards life. When I learned about Christ's atonement (I had not truly understood this until the missionaries explained it to me.), I nearly cried. When I read about Alma's affliction, I knew that I wasn't alone and that there was a way for me to overcome my negative feelings towards my family. That is when my journey of healing began.

About a month after I started meeting with the missionaries, I was baptized to be a member of the church. It was a very special day for me. My heart was filled with joy and love... the kind of love that I had never felt before. Not too long after I was baptized, I got back in touch with my mom (I hadn't talked to my mom in years). I love my mom. I am nothing without her. I am so glad that I didn't stay angry at her. It took me longer to get along with my dad. But I am almost there. I love him so much. I am so grateful for the changes that he has made in his life. He's a different person now. And my brother, he graduated from college in computer graphic design and works at a company that pays him to do what he loves doing. He is a very talented artist.

Joining the church completely changed my life. I don't know where I would be without the gospel. I truly appreciate all the great changes and blessings that it has brought in to my life. Heavenly Father has always been there for me through good and hard times. Sometimes I feel like I don't even deserve the blessings I receive from Him. People say being a member of the church is hard. But I think being a member of the church has made everything a little easier for me. I know we face trials and oppositions in our lives because of our beliefs but I know we become stronger and happier as we follow the commandments of God.

The last 10 years have been the greatest years of my life. I had an opportunity to serve the Lord as a missionary in Mesa, Arizona. I met some of the most amazing people there. I will never forget the feelings I felt during some of discussions and the visitors' center tours. God was there with me, leading me to His children. I also had an opportunity to go to the greatest school ever, Brigham Young University-Idaho. I learned not only Sociology but also the way of life I should live for the rest of my life. I met and married the most amazing guy, Sean, there. I used to pray for a kind, thoughtful, and cheerful husband. Well, Sean is all those things. I love him dearly so very much. Now, we have a beautiful and somewhat crazy baby boy in my life. I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world. I think I understand when people say "I could die for my children".

I know I am not perfect. There are so many attributes that I need to acquire throughout my life. That's the beauty of the gospel. It makes you want to be a better person everyday.